Losing What Matters So Much to You!

Job1:14-19
14 And there came a messenger unto Job, and said, The oxen were plowing, and the asses feeding beside them:

15 And the Sabeans fell upon them, and took them away; yea, they have slain the servants with the edge of the sword; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.

16 While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, The fire of God is fallen from heaven, and hath burned up the sheep, and the servants, and consumed them; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.

17 While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, The Chaldeans made out three bands, and fell upon the camels, and have carried them away, yea, and slain the servants with the edge of the sword; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.

18 While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, Thy sons and thy daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother's house:

19 And, behold, there came a great wind from the wilderness, and smote the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young men, and they are dead; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.

Have you lost something? Somethings you lose in life you can replace their are some things in life you can't? I lost my teen years to street life, to jail, to prostitution, to wanting to grow up to fast. I can't get it back. Do you know I push people away and when they are gone sometimes you can't get them back. I've lost alot of things, I lose alot! I actually lose everything I really want in life. I lost my baby! Im tired of losing! I think the worst day of my life was the day I heard God say he wanted to do something in my life but then everything I wanted fell apart. Something that I wanted so much but tried my hardest to keep. So I didn't make it seem like it mattered that much to me because when I care or when it matters I lose it. Job had everything and just like that he lost everything that meant any to him! But why God...... What did I ever do to deserve all this....



I dont want to replace what I lost!

Luke 15:24
For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.

The prodigal father knows alot about getting lost things back. Yet some things you just can't get back. He was so happy when he got back his son. I mean Job got everything back as well but how does replacing someones dead kids with other kids help. I mean God promised me a son... and I've been pregnant and miscarried before. Yet im trying to understand how that makes things better. I mean Maybe its just me but I have gotten so use to losing things that its regular and replacing things ive lost with new things seems to work for some people but it doesnt work with me. I want to be like the prodigal father I want what i once had back. Job could have gotten his children and ect replaced but im not about getting a replacement. The father wanted his son home! There was no other son like this one. How can you replace people. No two people are just alike not even twins! If that was the case that day When God spoke to me I would of said no just to keep what I had so I didn't lose. It's that I don't want to do Gods will but no one ever see's the tears the come each night because i may never have what i lost back or the pain behind the smile. Yes God is good I never said he wasn't but to lose something that meant everything to you. The prodigal could never be replaced he was him. The only one! It was like the lost sheep even when you lose one .. it doesnt matter if you have 99 that one matters to you! Well i just want my sheep back. I want what is now dead in my life to live again. I don't want to anyone to be sorry for my loss! BEcause I want what I lost back. I want to be merry like the prodigal! Happy to have what he lost back.. Not a replacement!


Maybe I do deserve this!

Ruth 1:2021 “Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Call me Mara,[c] because the Almighty[d] has made my life very bitter. 21 I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted[e] me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.”

de·serve

do something or have or show qualities worthy of (reward or punishment).

I remember being younger and miscarrying. I was told I would be a bad mom! The guy I was dating hung up with me when he heard I was losing the baby. And of course no one really cared about my lose why would they all they cared was that I was a bad kid.. probably thought I deserved it. I mean I've always be such a bad person atleast everyone always made me feel that way. THat i don't get anything right. Even when I went to follow JEsus away from college wow the hurtful things. Nowi know that is crazy but NOT AS CRAZY AS LIVING LIFE WITHOUT JESUS! and not following him away from school when he said to follow him was like saying im following Jesus when im not because anywhere God doesnt want you to be is not following Jesus! Yet i am thinking maybe its just punishment from when I was younger! For playing the harlot! Maybe I do deserve all of it because If I didn't go through it then someone else would. So maybe I do deserve it so that I can help change someones life.I wonder how Naomi felt because she lost everything! Did she believe she deserved all of what God was allowing in her life. She was bitter. I know alot about that! Being bitter and angry at my circumstance. I know I don't deserve this.. but sometimes you wonder to yourself maybe i did do something to deserve this!



Lost Hope!

Galatians 6:9
And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

hope

a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

Usually my blogs end with a ending of hope!But why do that? I lost that to! i LOST HOPE! I lost the feeling to care. I am angry bitter, just all out lost.I guess sometimes you wait for stuff to change for so long that you just give why bother? Why care. It's sad but right now I feel like the alot of people in the world just working to live. Yet I dont care about material things..I throw all that stuff away fight now. What i talk about when I talk about losing is losing things like people, like love, like time to spend and enjoy certain things like life. So many people don't care about stuff like this. They chase money, drugs, ect. Sometimes is feels like I am the only one who cares. I once wrote a poem about how there is so much going on in the world and no one is pay attention or seems like they care but me.. Its causing me to lose hope!

THIS WORLD IS CRYING FREEDOM....Copyright©2010 By Jasmine Sana CooperI was living life as if i came out the screen of this world which they played in some tunes♫.

i gotta be this dime[[but how can i put worth on somethin so PRICELESS]]

I gotta blow this joint get high so high so lifted shifted and when i come down i gotta call the piff kid

the one that stand on the corner like its a 9-5 but the drug world dont sleep

it creeps up on you like a drive by shooting that just killed a seven year old girl

leaving her mother mourin wishing she could wake up the next morning and her baby would be back

then back to the hustle back to your grind gotta keeep it moving or you will be left behind

kind of reminds me of that back in the day nursery rhyme

one two pick up sticks ...woman on the corner turning tricks

the same system that locks her up is the same system that got her thinking money is worth more than her body

but fast cash always gotta PRICE TO PAY

on the concert breathless is where her body now lays

she had a daughter who lived with her mother now shes walking around thinking shes 15 and GROWN

yet its the hurt from her mothers DEATH is what making her feel so ALONE


No sweet SIXTEEN for her CUZ shes Sixteen and Pregnant and theres no way thats my baby

This Females crazy i woulnt sleep with her even if you payed me

Spare a dollar or some change for those cold nights on the city streets

where the old man shopping cart his lips to the bottle meets

the business man wife 2 kids so called happy home the american dream

but dreams arent always what they seem

covered up around her eyes are a blackened

ring and the divorce papers

how many more children have to live in a single home for ya'll to understand

that it shows less power to make a baby more power to BE A MAN

aww man to see that little boy laid out 5 gun shot wounds dead from hanging with the wrong crew

and all they can say is rest in peace my NIGGA but not once did they try to convience him that his life style was wrong

they cant understand how all their homies are now gone

CUZ its back to the block

in that cell are 10 strong BLACK MEN

trying to make a way but society showing them the wrong way

why every black man on tv gotta be a thug robber dead beat rapper playing sports or in jail

no wonder why so manyof us fail

cuz they let our children drop out of school at age 16

you had 3 years left and u let it all go down the drain for what

low self esteem cuz they say every female should be a size 36 24 38 a big ol butt

but dont worry about me im in a better place now suicide

im mean i was trying to live my life but they told me i was hating, looked at them wrong

doesnt the saying go well if looks could kill[[suicide]]

& the reason so many people will go to hell is because of pride

men sleeping with men woman with woman but God made adam and Eve

to be one AS HUSBAND AND WIFE

yet so often i see us woman living to be less then what THEY ARE worth and JUST BEING THERE BODIES

BUT there more to us then WHAT meets the eye thats why GOD LOOKS AT OUR HEARTS

brokeness, shattered in to a million pieces in oneday in one hour in one minute in one second

your test came back POSTIVE FOR A THREE LETTER WORD [[H I V]]

because she so rapped up in her man she couldnt SEE

That he was only trying to play father

so that he could touch her DAUGHTER

because of the force she bleeds and she bleeds

she bleeds like flesh cut open as a cry for help

and she thinks nobody hears her

cuz shes feels all alone

trapped in an addiction trapped by the streets trapped by the lies trapped by the abuse trapped by lost trapped by society

MISUNDERSTOOD waiting FOR FREEDOM

it is a cold world AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO sees this

or IS EVERYONE TO RAPPED UP IN THERE OWN LIVES TO REALIZE

THIS WORLD IS CRYING FREEDOM....
Copyright©2010